


Kíli and the Buxom Barmaid

by Lady_Lou_Of_Lothlorien



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, He's been drinking his respect women juice, Kili is a protector, Kili likes his whamen thicc and you can't convince me otherwise, Non-Consensual Touching, One Shot, but it's not allowed to progress past that, crude language, despite what tauriel looks like
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:47:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23320444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Lou_Of_Lothlorien/pseuds/Lady_Lou_Of_Lothlorien
Summary: Kili is entranced by a barmaid with rather voluptuous figure. Naturally he’s still respectful and well-mannered as befits a Prince. Unfortunately, some of the other drinkers are not.Warnings: The men get pretty rude and a handsy when it’s not wanted or consensual, but it is not allowed to progress.
Relationships: Kíli (Tolkien)/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 24





	Kíli and the Buxom Barmaid

Kili and his brother, Fili, had been travelling together for many days and camping in the wild, and so when they’d finally reached Bree the Prancing Pony seemed more welcoming than anything else they could imagine. The younger of the brothers was now sat hunched over a table in the Prancing Pony, saving a seat for the other as he ordered ale and whatever food they could afford. Kili was sure he’d never felt more exhausted in his life. It had rained whilst they were on the road, and the cold water seemed to have soaked through to his very bones - not that he’d ever admit to being affected by it.

The Inn itself was not anything unusual. It was rather dark inside and smoky – both from the pipes of many of the men and from the fire that sputtered beneath a chimney flue that badly needed sweeping – and the little light there was cast odd shadows. Still, the place was bustling with activity, and the air was thick with the smell of alcohol and the sound of merrymaking. This was something the young prince would normally have appreciated and revelled in, but right then he had a headache, and all he wanted to do was eat his fill and crawl up to his room.

Fili slipped into the chair opposite his brother and set down two tankards with a heavy thud on the table, startling Kili and slopping some of the ale out onto the wooden surface.

“Careful!” Kili snapped, for he was understandably irritable when he was tired, cold, and hungry.

Fili merely fixed his brother with a half-hearted glare and took a swig of his ale. Some of the golden liquid trickled down his braided moustache.

“The man said a barmaid would be over with our food.”

Kili nodded sullenly and reached out both his hands to wrap around his tankard and pull it closer. The two princes sat in silence, then, nursing their ale and waiting – rather impatiently – for their dinner to arrive.

* * *

When dinner did arrive, it did not come a moment too soon for either of the princes. Neither of them had really been paying attention to their surroundings, especially Kili, who had been staring for the last five minutes into the bottom of his now empty tankard without really seeing. Two plates laden with cheese, bread, and cured meats were set down on the table, bringing both brothers back to the present.

Fili, who had been a little more alert, was the first to look up at the barmaid to thank her. When his eyes settled on the woman they widened a fraction, but he caught himself before he could react any further, and merely forced a smile onto his face as he gave her the gratitude she was due. His thanks were met with surprise, and a faint but pretty blush bloomed on the lass’ cheeks which was more than enough to satisfy him.

Kili, on the other hand, had been about to dig in to his dinner without so much as a glance at the lass, when he’d received a rather harsh kick under the table from his older brother and he’d reluctantly dropped the chunk of bread he’d grabbed hold of in favour of thanking the maid proper. The prince looked up, and his jaw promptly fell down just about as far as it could. Mahal, this lass was a wonder. He couldn’t help but let his gaze drag over her form, which was soft and rounded in all the right places, and when his eyes found her ample bosom he felt his throat constrict. Kili, son of Vili, had admittedly been a dwarf who favoured more buxom women for as long as he could remember, and here was a lass with – and he would ask pardon for the crude words – the most bountiful breasts he had ever beheld.

The young prince forced his gaze upwards to her face after lingering on her well-endowed chest mere moments longer than was strictly appropriate, only to find that her most fine and striking figure was not at all sullied by her face, for there too she was most charming. Her cheeks were round and dimpled – and rather red at the attention from these two handsome Dwarrow. Her smile was wide and welcoming, and seemed to encompass the whole of her face, and the hair that framed all of this beauty was tightly curled and golden. Kili had never been more smitten by a person’s mere appearance in all his life.

Across the table Fili fixed his brother with another glare that Kili did not even notice, but that promised the younger of the brothers another kick to the shin if he didn’t thank the lass soon. Fili could tell, after all, exactly what was going through his brother’s thick skull. He’d seen the types of women he brother often trailed after like a shaggy lost puppy. To think he was already trying to get himself knee-deep in skirt when he could not even grow a full beard yet. What on earth would their mother think if she knew the extent of Kili’s flirting?

Kili for his part finally appeared to collect himself and on his own face he plastered his most winning smile, and held out his hand to the lass, which she took with some confusion. He kissed the back of her hand, which coaxed a most delightful squeak from her, and his smile instantly turned more mischievous. Still, she had not yet retrieved her hand from him, and he jumped at the opportunity to gently caress the inside of her wrist with his thumb. Her pink cheeks turned bright red.

“Kili, at your service, my lady. I thank you for the food.” He would have dipped his head in a mock bow too for the full effect, but he found he could not bear to remove his eyes from her person. “May I have your name?”

The woman sputtered and did then remove her hand from his to twist both of hers in her skirts.

“I-It is just m-my work, as it were, milord, th-there be no need of thanking me.” She took a deep breath, which seemed to calm her jitters somewhat and also – much to Kili’s dismay – calmed some of the colour on her cheeks.

“I-I am called Blossom.”

Kili perked up once again, no-doubt preparing some cheesy line about her having a pretty name to match her own prettiness, and across the table from his brother Fili was already mentally preparing how hard he was going to strike his own forehead with his palm. 

However, Kili’s suave comment never came, for at that moment the loud voice of an evidently drunk regular called to the woman from another table demanding a refill of ale, and the golden-haired, ample breasted woman scampered off. As soon as her face was turned Kili’s mood soured right back to where it had been before he’d set eyes on her.

“If you ask me, those men are already too far into their cups.” He huffed, and angrily shoved a chunk of bread into his mouth. Fili snorted at him.

“You always did like women with larger … assets than you can handle.” Clearly the elder of the two was taking great amusement at the other’s expense. Kili was having none of it. With a salacious grin he looked his brother dead in the eye and spoke.

“Believe me brother, I could handle her assets just fine.”

This earned him another, rather vicious kick, to which he barely held back a yelp of pain. It did the trick though, and brought his focus back to his meal, and the two wolfed down their food in silence.

* * *

Kili was still at the table he’d settled at hours before, giving in to the simple pleasure of watching the pretty woman work. Fili had gone up not long after he’d finished eating, stating that he wasn’t going to sacrifice his sleep just to keep his fool brother company as he was pining after a lass, albeit a very lovely and voluptuous lass. In the few hours he’d been settled there, he’d had enough ale to give his limbs a pleasantly loose feeling, and he watched the barmaid with a smile on his face. He was certain she felt his gaze, for more often than not he would catch her, blushing, trying to glance back at him without him noticing. Once, he had given her a bold wink that had sent her dashing into a back room to hide until she had calmed herself.

Unfortunately, it seemed as though Kili was not the only male in the Inn that night who had taken note of the barmaid’s beauty, and he certainly wasn’t the drunkest. There had been a few compliments from other drinkers that had been polite enough, and Kili was admittedly in no position to feel jealousy over compliments by other men to a woman he had hardly spoken to, but so it was. Despite the slight jealousy, the compliments did not anger him, and there was clearly no need to stand in. Besides, he could hardly blame the men for having such impeccable taste in women.

As the night grew later and the men in the Inn grew drunker still – though there were less of them than there had been, as the Inn would soon stop serving ale – one table of men took a particular shine to Blossom that Kili was especially unappreciative of.

It began with stares that, unlike Kili’s – which was merely admiring – were rather lecherous and impolite, but it soon progressed to comments that were increasingly foul. When Blossom had carried over two refills, one of the men had decided to say something about ‘nice jugs’ which had instantly set Kili on edge.

The barmaid was all smiles and politeness, but Kili could see that she was not so much shy – as she had been with him – but nervous. Even though he’d already subconsciously decided to remain in the bar as long as he was able, the prince now consciously decided that he would not even consider going up to bed until this troublesome table had all departed.

“Me and the lads are fast gaining an appetite for something other than ale, girly.” At least, that’s what Kili thought he said – the man had consumed so much alcohol that his words were rather slurred. Kili’s hands tightened into fists. He knew intervening too soon could cause problems for the lass, so he held off, but he promised himself that should the men begin to place their hands where they weren’t wanted, he would step in.

Now that there were less men drinking in the Inn, Blossom was not as rushed off her feet, and had some time to spend cleaning up the place rather than dashing back and forth with food and ale and more ale. The drunkards took note of this as they leered at her.

“Why don’t ye’ come sit wi’ us?” One of the men hollered at her, and several other men at his table cheered and added their own comments.

“A lass such as yer’self needs a man’s company.”

“I’ll give ye’ something worthwhile to sit on girl!”

Flustered, she tried to laugh off their comments in the hopes that it would prevent the situation from escalating any further, but when she next had to pass by their table the man sitting on the seat closest to her shot out his two filthy hands and grasped her by the waist. Kili’s eyes widened in surprise, for he hadn’t thought the men would be so bold so soon.

Blossom let out a startled yelp as she was tugged rather forcefully backwards and onto the man’s lap as the other men cheered once again and fixed their eyes upon the squirming maid. She was wide-eyed and on the verge of tears, for she had heard tales of what sometimes happened to barmaids when the men were too deep in their cups and the barkeeper was not around. The man’s hands were roaming over her stomach, pawing drunkenly at the front of her dress and Blossom cursed herself silently that she’d worn the dress that laced at the front.

“P-please, sir, I don’t want no t-trouble.” She managed to get out, hiccupping past her fear as she felt the man’s putrid breath fan out over the back of her neck.

The man laughed cruelly at her, sending off a chain reaction of similar laughs around his table.

“Then be a good wee girly as you get what’s comin’ to ye.”

The man shifted beneath her and Blossom had to bite her lip to suppress a whimper as she felt something stiff poking at her soft behind. He had managed – rather surprisingly in his drunken state – to loosen some of the laces of her corset, enough that her breasts were no longer completely supported by the stiff fabric and were only hidden from view by the flowy white fabric of her chemise. The men all leered dangerously at her as one of the men across the table made a show of leaning forward, evidently preparing to either pull the chemise down or tear it. He never got the opportunity.

An almighty crash sounded in the Inn, and the man reaching over the table suddenly slumped over as if he had fallen asleep. It took the drunken men a few moments to realise quite what had happen, but when they did, they were dangerously angry. Kili had broken a chair over the man’s head.

All the men stood up as suddenly – or at least, as ‘suddenly’ as they could all manage, being more than a little drunk. The man who had grabbed Blossom before seemed to have forgotten all about her and she fell to the floor with a startled cry, looking up in horror. The gentle maid was torn between relief and terror, for she recognised her saviour as the sweetly flirtatious dwarf who had been looking at her all evening, and she now believed he was in danger for his desire to protect her.

Kili snorted derisively. He had drunk far less ale than these men, and what’s more he was a trained fighter. Perhaps he would not have liked his chances against 5 men when they were sober, even if they weren’t properly trained, but most of these men were swaying on their feet. The dwarf had no doubt the men had stood from some belief that their inherent height advantage would intimidate him. Kili had faced orcs before; it would not.

“You will leave, now, or you will pay for your disrespect of the Lady Blossom.” He had never looked more like his Uncle Thorin than in that moment, for in his anger he was channelling all the commanding presence of a King.

One of the men staggered closer to him, trying his best – and failing – to look scary.

“Tha’ tavern wench be no Lady, boy.” He spat at fat glob of spittle at the floor that landed just beside Blossom’s feet. “Wi’ breasts like hers ye can be sure many a man has taken his pleasure wi’ her.”

Kili saw red and in a flash his sword had been drawn, shining like a beacon in the dark tavern. Most of the men had the decency to look nervous at that, which he noticed with a sweet sense of satisfaction, but the man speaking did not, and moved closer till the tip of Kili’s sword was almost touching his chest. The young dwarf scowled and crowded closer to the man, gripping his sword firmly by the hilt and slashing out. Before the man could blink, Kili had given him a shallow cut across the face that bled profusely. The man finally stumbled back a few paces, his face showing his shock that the dwarf had really done anything with his weapon. Clearly, he was used to men turning their backs when he took what he wanted from a woman. Kili would teach him to expect better of a Dwarf. 

“Do not think I won’t run you through if you try anything.” Kili hissed at the man through gritted teeth. He was so focused on the man before him that he hadn’t noticed that everyone else in the Inn who wasn’t involved had stopped whatever they were doing to watch the exchange.

A flash of rage and indignation passed over the man’s face, and he shifted slightly as if he was preparing to move towards Kili once again, but when he looked over at his friends and saw they had all been slowly edging towards the door of the Inn since Kili’s sword had been drawn he deflated. With humiliation in his eyes he spat once again, and this time the spittle landed on Kili’s boots. He had to hold himself back from truly running the man through at that.

“ _Leave.”_ Something in the way Kili growled the word must have gotten through the drunkard’s thick skull and he finally turned away, stumbling over to his friends. They all banded together, throwing around dirty looks and unfriendly mutterings as they made their way to the door of the Inn and then away into the night.

As soon as the door had swung shut, Blossom promptly burst into tears, and everyone who had been observing the altercation went back to whatever they had been doing and pretended as though they hadn’t been looking in the first place. None of them wanted to get involved with the crying maid. Kili, on the other hand, quickly put down his sword – he could not sheath it, for he would need to clean off the small amount of blood first – and rushed forward to the woman who was crumpled on the floor. His hands hovered at his side, unsure of what to do. Should he help her to re-tie the corset of her dress, or would that too be inappropriate? In the end, he settled for placing one hand on her shoulder in what he hoped was a comforting gesture, and with his other hand he gently wiped some of her tears from her rounded cheek. 

“There now, my Lady, don’t cry.” His voice was soft and gentle, and for Blossom he was such a stark contrast to the vile man from before that she couldn’t help herself. She threw her arms around the dwarf’s broad shoulders and hugged him as tightly as her soft arms could manage.

“Oh, bless you milord.”

Fili – who was a light sleeper for a dwarf – had awoken when he’d heard a loud crash downstairs, and he’d made his way down to investigate the commotion in time to see his brother, bright red, with his head half buried between the barmaid’s bountiful breasts as she clutched him tightly and cried her sweet heart out. Though his brother was embarrassed in the moment, Fili knew then that this would be a fond night in his brother’s memories for many years to come.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this little fic. I would be up for writing a short sequel part (which would be smut) but only if people want it.
> 
> If you did enjoy this, please consider following me on tumblr @ladylouoflothlorien. My writing always gets posted to tumblr first, and there are currently some things on tumblr that haven't been posted here.


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